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Life as a Pirate of the Parrot Order
"Life as a Pirate of the Parrot Order" is the weekly/bi-weekly news of the Pirates of the Parrot Order. It is written by a contractor. Introduction Hello there, reader(s). It’s unfortunate that I cannot reveal my name to you because of the contract between me and Lord MonkhErdene. However, he’s given me permission to write a little bit about myself. I was a young boy when I met Lord MonkhErdene. During that time, he wasn’t even a lord yet. In fact, his name at the time was Edwen. I had spent that summer month on his family’s farm because my parents recently wedded, and they were traveling the world together. I remember my mother’s beautiful white dress, and my father’s expensive tuxedo. My parents were always counting how much I was eating at the time that I hid under one of the tables with a plate of delicious food. Then my mother’s favorite song came on from the radio. I lifted the cloth from the table, and watched my parents danced with each other. ... wait. If parents are supposed to have their children after they get married, how did I witness my parents’ wedding?! Week 1 Lord MonkhErdene had instructed me to follow the members of the PPO, and write about the candid moments in their lives. As I tried to find my first victim... uh, I mean, the first person to follow... that doesn’t sound good either, huh? I explored the PPO headquarters to find anything worthy of my pen’s ink. The most interesting sign that I saw was called “Rum and Wenches (18+ only),” I thought that this might be the place to find candid moments. ... maybe not. Please get the unicorn images out of my head! Week 2 After my incident with the unicorns, I told Lord MonkhErdene that I wasn’t going to suffer any longer. He said, “Good, now please write something! I’m not paying you to be sick.” ;_; He suggested that I shadow Lurunin, Captain of the PPO. Now I remember seeing Lurunin within the halls of “Rum and Wenches (18+),” but since I did not want to go there again, I went to hide within the Captain’s Quarters. Soon enough, I found him, and started following him. From my time following the Captain, there were too many times when he suspected someone following him. Smart man. Also a kind leader. I would write about what he did, but I think this particular incident is one that should not be shared with the world. You will just have to use your imagination. When Captain Lurunin is free, he likes to role play with the wench La Riquea. Three times in one night, I witnessed them acted out a scenario. Maybe this is a sign that I should move on to another Pirate of the Parrot Order? Week 3 I was informed by Lord MonkhErdene that what I saw in "Rums and Wenches (18+)" weren't unicorns, but ponies. Well then, I'm not sure what to say, maybe I was just too shocked by the colors? Moving on. This week, I followed Commander of Internal Affairs, general abmenaj. I figured that he would be the perfect person to shadow this week because with PPO rebuilding, I would get to see him hard at work. It turned out that watching someone work wasn't so fun. I ended up waiting outside his office while playing with my laser pen until he was done. When he got out of his office, I knew that it was PARTY TIME (the way he was dressed gave it away). The Commander of Internal Affairs and I went to a party, an after party, an after-after party, an after-after-after party, AND an after-after-after-after party! By that time, I was exhausted and begged general abmenaj to leave. His response? "Mars." I went home. I spent the next day catching up on sleep, and didn't do any work. On my last day, I stumbled upon Lord MonkhErdene, and noticed that he was talking to Jose Cuervo and general abmenaj. They were joking and laughing about Lord MonkhErdene's many lovers. Then Jose Cuervo spilled a secret about our Commander of Internal Affairs. Be careful of what you say, people. general abmenaj can hear you. Week 4, 5 and 6 Sorry for not being here in the past three weeks. I know pointing finger at someone is bad, but I am pointing my finger at CreativName for being the sole cause of my being gone. After I wrote about general abmenaj, I thought it would be interesting to follow the Commander of Foreign Affairs himself and write about him. Around the same time, Gingervites of United Equestria delcared Jose Cuervo, PPO's Lt. Commander of War, to be the "most awesome" person in our alliance. Here's where CreativName came into the picture. In response to Gingervites' declaration, CreativName offered a ship as a gift if Gingervites changed his mind and declared CreativName as the "most awesome." Unfortunately, that bribe failed. On August 8 when CreativName announced that his ship was going to waste, Lord MonkhErdene volunteered to take the ship and turn it into the second "floating sex hotel." When ownership of the ship was handed to Lord MonkhErdene, I followed him to the harbor and got onto the ship with him. He then contacted the director of the first "floating sex hotel" (known as the Steel) about the news and wanted to meet up to discuss the interior design of the new ship. Due to the fact that it would take the Steel two weeks to get to Haven for Peace, Lord MonkhErdene decided to meet up with them half way in his new ship. "I could use a good massage," he said. Of course, I did not know any of this after the ship had already left the dock, and Lord MonkhErdene didn't feel like letting me leave on a life boat. So for the next week, I spent it in bed, seasick. After we met with the Steel at the harbor of a peaceful nation, Lord MonkhErdene introduced me to Presencia Moss, director of the Steel. She offered me a room on the ship. Lord MonkhErdene told me to take it because it had better food plus free massages (because I was considered a "guest" of the Haven for Peace Lord). So for the next two weeks, I spent it on the Steel --- I was sick part of the time, enjoyed free massages, and also visited few cities by the coast (the ship stopped at several cities and entertained local people). Now I am back within the halls of PPO along with the Commander of Foreign Affairs. Pirates of the Parrot Order Week 8 I was hoping that after three weeks of mostly being at sea, I would get to rest for the entire week. Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Lord MonkhErdene assigned me to visit a former PPO leader, Alucard65535. I wasn't sure about how the visit would go because I was told by some people that Alucard65535 rarely talks to anyone these days. It actually ended up to be very relaxing for me. Alucard65535 and I spent the time skipping rocks and drinking spiked lemonade. He wasn't much of a talker, but I learned that if it wasn't because of him, PPO may not have been refounded... so THANKS, ALUCARD65535! <3 Week 9 I returned from visiting Alucard65535, and found Lord MonkhErdene's office completely empty. Everything was organized... Hmm, well, not surprised considering he has many lovers (according to some people). I visited the Commander of Foreign Affairs' office once a day, but he was nowhere to be found. Good bye, Week 9. Week 10, 11, and 12 ... I woke up in the office of the Commander of Foreign Affairs. The place was a complete mess. There were mold growing on the unfinished pizza on the floor... MY clothes were on the floor, and newspaper was glued to my body. "Hello there, beautiful," said a familiar voice. I looked around and saw Lord MonkhErdene sitting on a rocking chair. He bursted out laughing at my confused expression. "Careful when you hang out with general abmenaj and CreativName," he said. "After those after-after-after parties, you sleep for days." "Wait, what day is it?" I asked. "September 19, 2013." "WHAT?!?!" "Haha, relax, it's still 2012." "Oh. So where have you been?" I asked. "There was an emergency on the Steel, and if I remember correctly, my office was pretty darn tidy when I turned off the lights." "Why didn't you tell me?" "I'm pretty sure I left a voicemail for you as well as other people. Even Lurunin asked me where I was!" Lord MonkhErdene shook his head. "I probably messed it up somehow." "Oh... well, are you here now?" "No, of course not, you're speaking to my spirit," Lord MonkhErdene laughed. "Have fun removing the newspaper and glue from your body, and go home! My office reeks of weeks old parties. You better come back tomorrow to clean it up." After I cleaned up the office the following day, I was told to make an announcement that for the next three months, the Commander of Foreign Affairs will be on leave. Until he's back full-time, I have been temporarily released from my duty as the writer of "Life as a Pirate of the Parrot Order." To get in touch with PPO, please contact Lurunin, general abmenaj or SpliceVW. I also want to assure you that the PPO will do its best to maintain communication with your alliance. Until next time, friends. Article 9 I have been re-hired to write "Life as a Pirate of the Parrot Order." Darn! I was enjoying my unemployment benefits from the Haven for Peace government too! Oh well, all good things must come to an end, I suppose. The last time you heard from me, I announced that Lord MonkhErdene took a leave of absence. Though the Lord returned in late October to draft the current treaty between the PPO and GPF. general abmenaj is now married to markfrancos, who is now the Secretary General of the GPF. Unfortunately, we cannot reveal how much we received in bride price, but what we can say is... ABMENAJ, KEEP UP WITH YOUR WIFELY DUTIES BECAUSE WE SPENT ALL THE MONEY. :P Good tide, sea dogs an' land lubbers. Article 10 Not-so-good news. The PPO has cancelled our ODP with the Apparatus. Good news. The PPO signed an oDoAP with TOR, our friends in bootlegging. I hope everyone had a wonderful winter holiday. :)